Interracial Love Map Activity 

James S. Hart III MSW, LSW & Yetunde B. Hart M.Ed.

The Interracial Love Map was inspired by the work of Gottman and Silver (2015) who created love maps as a way for couples to build their friendship. The Interracial Love Map is uniquely crafted to meet the relational needs of interracial couples to assist them in cultivating their knowledge and love of each other. It is comprised of questions within (6) categories: personal life, marriage, children, family/friends, work, and society. This activity is to be reviewed regularly with your spouse to strengthen your friendship, cultivate honesty, and create a sense of security and safety. Ideally these questions can be used during a date night or to spark conversation in the evening after dinner. Couples may find that one question produces a 30-minute conversation. The point of the activity is not to answer all 60 questions every time, but rather to initiate a conversation that increases compassion, knowledge, and sensitivity for your spouse.

Since interests, dreams, concerns, and ambitions change as we grow together, the Interracial Love Map is an activity that should be utilized throughout your marital life. This activity works best when both spouses are willing to engage in a conversation and able to provide a response that is more than the cliché “everything is fine, I’m good”.

Below you will find a sample of the questions within the Interracial Love Map.

Personal Life

1. What was the most rewarding part of your day?

2. Currently, what do you fear (or worry) the most?

3. Currently, what gives you the most joy?

Marriage

1. What do you currently believe is our purpose as a couple?

2. What area(s) of our marriage would you say are the strongest and for what reasons?

3. Have our racial differences recently caused any conflict in our marriage?

4. What do you appreciate most about my culture and/or racial heritage?

5. How have our racial/cultural differences strengthen our relationship?

Children

1. What goals do you have for our children? How can I help?

2. How would you assess the development of our children’s racial identity?

3. What conversations do we need to start having with our children?

Family/Friends

3. Have my family or friends recently said or done anything that made feel uncomfortable?

4. If my family/friends did make you uncomfortable, how best can I address it and support you?

5. Is there any upcoming family function you are hesitant to attend?

 Work

1. Do you currently feel validated and seen by your supervisors or dismissed and ignored?

2. Has any of your co-workers committed a microaggression that you had to address?

3. Does your job give you a sense of purpose or do you feel stuck and stifled?

 Society

1. Has anyone recently treated you in a discriminatory fashion?

2. When was the last time you experience the benefits of white privilege?

3. Any event are you hesitant to attend due to the possibility of racially charged conversations?